It’s late. I was out with a couple of old high school buddies. But I am determined to get a post in tonight before bed.
So the question was: Beyond physical attraction what do I look for in a potential date?
Well, on eHarmony there is a section in the About Me tab entitled The Last Book I Read and Enjoyed: If I like your pics (and again let emphasize that I’m not looking for super model 10 good looks, just something that attracts me — eyes, hair, smile, etc. Could be anything, but something) I will usually go straight to this spot. I am a big reader. I love books. And so it is only natural that I would want to be with someone who also likes to read. Perhaps not to the degree that I do, but to some degree. However, I do have particular likes and dislikes. Not everything published and placed between a cover is worthy in my opinion.
Some examples of reading habits that do little if anything for me and my likely responses to them:
1) I don’t like to read — you’re pretty much done
2)Why read when you can live life — not likely
3) I only read for work — boring
4) I only read magazines, like People and Cosmo. — nah, probably not going to happen.
5) Strictly romances — ugh
6) James Patterson, Dan Brown or Daniel Steel — you’re done
7) The Secret — you’re done
8) Spirituality and/or pop psych — not doing much for me
On the other hand if you are you standard mystery, thriller, popular fiction reader that’s okay. I mean, I’m not getting an instant boner, but my dicks’ not turtling up either, so….
If you like serious non-fiction books about science, history, math, politics, biography, or other assorted subjects I am listening.
If you dig a variety of fiction, from b-list and literary novels to more bestseller list titles, I’m getting a woody now.
If you say you dig literary short stories and novels, classics and contemporary, I’ve got a raging hard-on. BOING!
I also look at movie interests. As I put in the caption of my profile pic, if you can name the that this quotes comes from you have my undivided attention: “News said its raining in New York.”
I guess initially I’m looking for shared interests, because I think that this is important. It is a good base building block. Of course, one needs to go even deeper to look for points of connection, while a the same time looking for red flags. You have to read into the details, infer from them, read between the lines, and other cliches.
For example: Any profile littered with too many cliches, such as “I love living life to the fullest every day” is a red flag for me. I take it as a sign of a lack of creativity, you know. I mean, what does that even mean anyway? Taken literally it is bullshit. Really, you’re living life to the fullest each morning as you brush your teeth and take a crap, shower, dress, eat breakfast and head off to your job. Wow! You wild woman you! It’s just lazy. And shows an unwillingness, or worse an inability to delve deep enough into yourself and come up with something genuine.
One of my biggest gripes about dating sites is the lack of authenticity in the profiles. It’s as if everyone (or most everyone anyway) is afraid to say anything really interesting or unique for fear of chasing away any potential dates or perhaps even offending someone. And that might indicate someone who is simply afraid of being alone, and I don’t want to be with anyone who is looking for someone because they are afraid of being alone. I don’t want just anyone. I want someone special.
Anyhoo…. you want to know a big, big turn on, something that will really gets my attention, beyond physical attraction and shared interests?
Well, guess you’ll just have to come back for the next installment to find out. Nanny nanny boo boo.