Divorce, as with all major life changes, presents one with a series of lasts and firsts. Last time you don your wedding ring. First time you sleep away from the place you once called home. Etc.
This Easter will be our families first separate holiday, even though Colleen and I are not technically divorced yet. But I suppose you have to start getting used to these situations sometime, right. Addy and I will be spending Easter Sunday with my family, while Colleen will spend it with hers. For this particular holiday there is not hand off planned, although time willing I’d be glad to deliver the girl so she can spend some time with Colleen and her grandparents and mom.
Both situations will be difficult in their own way, I’m guessing. For Colleen because she’ll be away from Addy That would be hard for me, I know — my time will come. For me because I’ll be self-conscious about what people are thinking. I’ll feel a bit…what’s the word I’m looking for…incomplete, I guess. Not that I’ve never taken Addy places on my own before but this will be different.
After Easter the final countdown to my move out date begins. And the real bummer is that Colleen will be gone for much of it, traveling for work while I do the single dad deal. I suppose it will be good practice, right. And for one of the remaining weekends Addy and I will be taking a trip to visit her uncles and cousin, leaving before Colleen get back into town.
Can I just say, this feels a little strange, blogging about this. I want to chronicle it but I don’t want to be overly-revealing, if that makes sense. I’m not one for blathering every bit of my personal life out to the web. Although I suppose one could argue that divorce is pretty personal. Still, there are aspects of it one can keep to one’s self. Or at least off the internet.
If these posts are boring it’s because I’m guarded, trying to find the right balance here. I’m hoping what I write will at least mildly interesting if not of use to others. But maybe in the end it will on serve my own purpose, getting things off my chest, which strikes me a little pathetic. But I guess it is what it is….