One of Ypsilanti’s finest

Apparently, this dude , displeased with this mother, stabbed her with a fork and then assaullted another women with a — wait for it — frozen chicken.

Yeah. That’s right. Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you. That’s because you’ve never spent anytime in Ypsilanti, unlike myself. I did my undegrad at Eastern Michigan University, lived in Ypsilanti for 3 years in all, including one summer between academic years. So, you know, it was no real surprise as far as I was concerned. Ypsilanti is famous for it frozen foul crime rate. That and a water tower shaped like a penis. Check that — erect penis.

And it’s not just my perverted mind that thinks this either. Check it:

This images is on post cards for sale at $2 a pop or a pack of ten for $8, under the title Ypsi Dick Postcards.

But not so seriously folks, Ypsilanti is well known for its colorful characters. Like Uncle Nutzy, the homeless (we assumed) dude we’d run into form time to time who was always mumbling to himself and was often plagued by facial …sores, for lack of a better word. Ew! And Maniac Marge, the woman who would come into the Video Watch video store up on Washtenaw where I worked and pick fights with the cardboard stand-ups.

But perhaps one of its most famous (former) residence is John Norman Collins, aka The Coed Killer, a serial killer who terrorized the Ypsi-Arbor area between 1967 and 1969. Actually, Collins was originally from Centerline, a city just north of Detroit, but he was a student at Eastern at the time and lived in Ypsi, in a big old house that was just off campus, which has since been torn down and replaced by a new house. A shame, because it was probably the closest thing to a historic site that Ypsilanti had. Collins was the subject of the true crime book The Michigan Murders.

More recently, Maggie Nelson, a woman who is the niece of one of Collins’ alleged victims wrote a book about her aunt’s murder and a recent reopening of her case. The Red Parts. Maggie’s aunt, Jane Mixer, was the one victim whose grisly demise didn’t seem to fit Collins’ MO. She’d been shot in the head and Collins always strangled or beat his victims to death with his bare hands. A real savage motherfucker. Coincidentally, as Maggie was researching her aunt’s case to write the book, officers were investigating a possible alternate suspect in the case. The book covers, in part, how these two inquiries intersect and the case that followed. It is not your typical true crime book, part memoir and part mediation on our legal system. Cool stuff. I attended a reading and got a chance to meet Maggie. She was very interesting. Not interesting in a frozen chicken assault way, but stil….

Advertisements

5 responses to “One of Ypsilanti’s finest

  1. Big deal. Assault with a frozen chicken. What is that, a misdemeanor at best?

    Assault with a frozen turkey? NOW you’re talkin’! That’s gotta be a felony.

    What about assault with a frozen Turducken? Do you get three concurrent sentences for that?

    And God help us all if this guy gets some frozen… wait for it… Emus.

    Get it? Emus? Ypsilanti? Ha!

    Ahem. Is this thing on?

  2. The best part of the story is the automatically generated “frozen chicken” tag. Just for the convenience of those seeking frozen-chicken-related blogs. Secret jerk-off fodder for the Gorton’s fisherman.

  3. I just remembered what a Turducken is. Chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey.

    Mmmm. Turducken.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s