Yes. I’m reading Maureen McCormick’s memoir

I admit it!

I have set aside David Foster Wallace’s amazingly, magnificently intelligent tome, Infinite Jest, the novel Blindness by the Nobel Prize winning author, Jose Saramago, which has just been made into a very cool-looking movie staring Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo, as well as Sarah Vowel’s latest nonfiction book, to read a tell-all celebrity memoir. So sue me. I don’t care. It’s Maureen McCormick, aka Marsha Brady. I mean, come on! She was like one of my first masturbatory fantasies — sorry Maureen, I know that’s creepy, but it’s true. The only celebrity memoir that could possible entice me more would be Kristy McNichols. But I got a feeling that that one is not going to happen. Even so, I’m holding out hope.

Typical of the genre, McCormick’s tale is big on revealing secrets, address rumors that have long festered into myth, or fact, or whatever. The writing is not always very good, or even good at all. But then how good does it have to be, really?

For the most part it I don’t find it all that interesting, but every once in awhile there will be something that will intrigue me. For example: Florence Henderson was big on going topless poolside at her Beverly Hills home where she lived while the show was being shot.

Also, according to McCormick, Eve Plumb (aka Jan) was the more vivacious one — she developed boobs sooner, much to Maureen’s chagrin, was “hippier” and apparently had a penchant for walking around the dressing room naked while they were on tour for their album. Oh, I think I just found me a new masturbatory fantasy. McCormick also writes that Eve farted a lot. Maybe that bothered Maureen and Susan Olsen (aka Cindy), who asked her to stop it, along with walking around butt ass naked, but it only makes her that much sexier to me. What guy doesn’t drool over a young, tan, flatulent blond?

Robert Reed was a stickler for realism, which must have been an endless source of frustration on a schlocky show like The Brady Bunch, and was constantly butting head with Sherwood Schwartz.

At 16, Barry Williams had a pack-a-day smoking habit.

Of course there are more salacious details, which I’m only beginning to get to, and while I admit I am eager to read that shit, I find some of the less dramatic details more interesting.

Ultimately, I’m not making any excuses. It’s not a very good read, but I like it at a certain level. But then I have a fondness for porn to, so….

Speaking of which, McCormick mentions how, in later seasons, she and Eve Plumb would try to wear their skirts as short as possible and in re-watching some scenes claims that you can see their underwear. Do you think she’s trying to boost sales of The Brady Bunch on DVD? Maybe she’s got a deal with the production company.

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One response to “Yes. I’m reading Maureen McCormick’s memoir

  1. ‘preciate the review! now, i don’t have to read it. i’m sure the memoir is all about the money. how sad it all is!!! i wonder why eve plumb distanced herself so much. does she say?

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