One of the real bummers of my current circumstances, i.e. getting divorced, is that I can no longer enjoy music. In fact, I can barely stand it.
I’ve always lived with the notion that music can be a comfort and cathartic, especially when you’re down, but for me right now it is just painful. It is the emotional equivalent of chewing on tinfoil.
Of course, I’ve never been a music connoisseur, but I’ve always liked music, like anyone else. So to suddenly have it be a source of discomfort rather than pleasure is disheartening to say the least.
This is especially a problem for me at work, because I have a job where I sit at my computer all day and listening to music is one of the ways that helps you pass the time. But as stated above I can’t do that. Instead, I listen to TV shows online. I’m not so sure that listening to TV shows provides comfort as much as it is simply a distraction, which isn’t bad except there isn’t real joy in it, you know.
I do get some semblance of joy from reading still, thank God! Don’ t know what I would do if I couldn’t read. I read all the time, somteimes several books simultaneously. But I can’t read while I’m working.
Writing helps but in a different way. It isn’t so much about joy or distraction as it is about making order of chaos. It is helpful to write, to shape the ides, to reconsider and rewrite.
Why am I not doing this for a live, you might ask?
Good fucking question. Why not indeed?