On turning 40

Not me.  I’m 42. But I was reading JenX67’s blog this morning and she’s got a post with links to pieces about turning 40.

There’s also a link to a post about turning 30, but I suppose that one concerns me a lot less since I blew threw 30 without so much a blink of a thought more than a decade ago.

But you know what, I didn’t really think that much about turning 40 either. My stance was: it’s just another year. But I’m beginning to reconsider that position.

At thirty I was far too busy to consider the ramifications of my age. At 40, I believe now, I was far too depressed to think about much of anything.

But it’s never too late to evaluate one’s life, right. Why does it have to be at the zero years? It doesn’t. Of course, in a way I can’t escape reflecting on my life. What with the divorce and all. I mean, what kind of person doesn’t take stock?

Thing about 40 (or 42 in my case) is that I don’t feel old, but I don’t feel young anymore either. And being single again feels…strange, almost unnatural. It is difficult to describe. I suppose mostly it just feels lonely, and who the hell wants that?

It’s funny. I used to not only not mind being alone. In fact, I relished it. I sought it out. But I was younger and brasher then. I didn’t think I needed other people that much. But I was wrong. So I suppose that’s something I’ve learned.

I think I’ve also learned how easily one can isolate themselves from the world and those in it who care about you most. And just how dangerous and damaging that can be.

But what about my goals? That’s the thing people seem to go to first. Did you accomplish what you set out to accomplish when you were in your twenties. The answer to that is no. I have not. I wanted to be a published writer, and I’m not. Also, I don’t have much of any other kind of career. Not alot of savings. But hey, at least I’m not in serious debt. And I’ve got a great kid, and that counts for a whole lot!

It’s a mixed back, which is probably true for most people. I guess the thing is: what do you do now? How do you change? What do you do differently? How do you move forward?

All interesting questions…

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6 responses to “On turning 40

  1. i didn’t have any big celebrations at 30 or 40. but, i’m planning my first birthday party since turned 18 – for the day i turn 43. the great thing about being a grown up is we get to re-write some of the rules.

  2. Now that I can see over the horizon, I’ve found 40 is an ideal age to make a big change: You’re young enough to make a big change but wise enough to make smart decisions. Like Jen says – you can get to re-write some of the rules.

  3. I can’t remember the last time I had a big birthday party. Perhaps this coming year might be a good time to at least consider having one. I don’t know. Hard to think about such things right. It’s taxing enough just trying to get through each day.

  4. Keep writing. I look forward to your email each morning when I get it. Your honesty is compelling. 35 this year wasn’t a big deal. Maybe I’ll be able to say the same thing about 40.

  5. I am turning 40 soon and I realised that maybe a ‘done list’ would be better than a ‘to do’ list. At least with a done list there is a sense of satisfaction and gratitude.

    I enjoyed reading your post and like you I kinda blew through 30 as well…..it wasn’t too devastating.

    It’s true…why is it that we evaluate ourselves at zero years. its the same with resolutions…always on jan 1st.

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