The B-side of reluctance…

…is anxiety, which I seem to wake up with each morning. Whereas at the end of the day I’m reluctant to leave work in the mornings I can’t seem to wait to get going and doing for the day. What’s it going to be like when I don’t have a place to go in the morning, a schedule to keep?

Of course, I will have things to do. I’ll just be doing those things in my apartment, which will effectively be my office. It’s funny, when I was working toward being a writer I imagined that this was precisely how my life would be structure — I’d work from home, writing my fiction, my novels and short stories. I wouldn’t have an office, a place of business to go to. That was what I wanted. But now… I don’t know. I’ve gotten used to having a place to go.

I wonder if I will do any writing once I am unemployed, provided I haven’t secured a new job by then. You’d think it would be a perfect opportunity to do some writing. But I’m not so sure I’ll be able to. I haven’t done much writing in recent weeks. I’ve been too concerned with finding a new job. I cant seem to concentrate on writing fiction. In a way I’m too tired. In another way, it seems a not very productive way to spend my time. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll feel differently once I transition.



2 responses to “The B-side of reluctance…

  1. I can tell you from direct experience, Chris–find something, or things, that are completely non-work-related, to keep your mind occupied. Good mental hygiene is one of those things that’s written off too often as lame, meaningless, or just a cliche, but it’s not. It’s important to be able to both continue to think clearly, and to just give your brain a rest now and then. Yes, go to the movies (the greatest thing in the world to do on a weekday morning, when the theater is usually empty). Do something with your hands. Set aside a nominal amount of money occasionally, without guilt, just for something “impractical,” like a used book or some good Thai carry-out. Go running or walking. Spend a lot of time outside (now that the weather is nice and you have time to do so). Go for a drive out in the country. And, yes, write, if you feel like it, even if it doesn’t seem immediately productive–flesh out an idea or two that you’ve been carrying around a while. Just keep it going, man.

    • Thanks, Mike. I appreciate the suggestions. All good, for sure.

      I’ll be doing plenty of walking, I’m sure. I already do some now but I’m sure once the job ends, and if nothing else come up, I’ll be doing even more, daily. It keeps me even, calm. I can remember all the walking I did in Kalamazoo when I first started graduate school there at Western. I logged some serious miles.

      And if I move back in with the rents, who have a movie theater nearby, I’ll definitely be doing the early morning movie thing.

      As for working with my hands, my folks’ place can use a lot of cleaning and fixing up. So I got that covered as well.

      I’m sure I won’t be able to avoid writing. It’ll haunt me otherwise. If nothing else I’ll be cluttering up the internet with my blob posts.

      I will keep on keeping on, man!

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