Dry run

Today was kind of a dry run for when my job ends. I stayed home from work (in part because I was so wiped from playing back-to-back kickball games last night at 8 and 9pm and then hanging at the bar until almost midnight) and figured it would give me a good idea of what it is going to be like to have no job to go to.

It was not encouraging.

I was up at 6 am but then snoozed on the couch until about 9:30am, which was fine. Once up and showered I sat down at the computer to get to work.

First, I checked my email, automatic deliveries of job-posting based on specific criteria. Not one job that I could apply for. So I filled some time by writing a blog post and replying to some emails and troll facebook and the rest of the internet a little. Then I did some searching on careerbuilder and other job-post sites. Nothing.

I did register for a class at the community college, Photoshop — trying to bolster my computer skills — but I’m kind of dreading it. The class is 4 credit hours but 6 contact hours, which means every Saturday from August 27th until December 17th I’ll be spending the majority of my Saturdays sitting in a classroom. Tuition cost me $714. Can’t help wondering what the books will run me. And will I need software of any kind? I’d considered taking a different class, one in health care records management, because that seems like it could be a growing industry in the years to come, but the degree requires some 70 credit hours. That just seems so daunting. I guess I’ve figured I’ve done my time in school, and I’m not all that hip on going back. But it seems to be necessary. So if I’m going to go I should build on my existing skills not start over. Maybe I’m just being a chicken.

I did watch multiple episodes of The Waltons and Roseanne. During commercials and in between episodes I did some more searching. Still nothing.

I guess I had too much time to think today. I should have gotten out of the apartment. I could have cleaned my car, vacuumed and run it through the car wash. It needs an oil change too. Keeping busy is going to be the key, I can see that now.

Japecake

What’s a Japecake you ask? Excellent question inquiring reader. Japecake is a new blog by a friend of mine. And as it’s subtitle indicates it’s focus is: HUMOR & POP CULTURE & DESIGN & AMPERSANDS

You read right — & Ampersands (doesn’t that just sounds like a trendy college band populated by a bunch of snobby, contemptuous English majors). Japecake is now your official source for all things ampersand. It’s about time someone filled that niche.

Anyhoo…check it out. Now dammit!

I haven’t posted in awhile

Why?

Well, turns out that getting divorced has proven to be more difficult than I could have ever imagined. It’s sapped me of my of a lot of my enthusiasm. Not all. But most. And the longer I went without posting the harder it was to sit down and do it. I don’t know.

So is this my come back? I have not a fucking clue. May be that I’m just super bored tonight and needed something to break the tedium, to occupy myself while I sit here alone in my half-empty one-bedroom apartment. Or, maybe I’m finally emerging from my hibernation or whatever you want to call it, and I’ll be blasting out posts pretty regularly from now on. Maybe, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

There’s something about this time of year, just as it’s getting cold and the first snowfall of the year occurs. It reminds me of my more optimistic days, when I was a student at Eastern, sitting in my dorm, reading a paperback, and still firm in my belief that I would be a writer some day, a real writer, a novelist or short story writer, the Hemingway of my generation.

I guess that’s why I recently picked up my copy of “Bright Lights, Big City” read it again. It was the book that really made me want to be a writer. It was my permission book, the one that showed me that I could write about the experiences that I thought were relevant because they were my experiences.

It’s funny, you know. Bright Lights isn’t a very thick  novel. It’s not very complex either. But each time I read it — and I’ve read it a number of times, so many that I’ve lost count — I seem to find something new in it, see it in a different way. When I first read it it was the partying and bar-hopping and drug use that really struck me, because it reflected experience that I was familiar with. I graduated in 1986 and spent my early twenties in the late 80s. But this time it was the character’s heartbreak that really impressed me, that I connected with. I never really understood it before. But I do now. I really understand it. Unfortunately…

And like the last line of the novel reads, I, like the narrator, feel as if I need to learn everything all over again.

Just because….

… I haven’t posted in awhile. Not sure exactly why not. Not sure why I’m posting now, other than I haven’t posted in awhile.

July has been a busy month. That could have something to do with it. I’ve been traveling a lot. Plus I’m working on an application to a graduate certificate program. It’s in Technical Communications, specifically called Writing for the Digital Age. I’m hoping it will  help me retool, bolstering my current writing skills and helping me to refocus my career.

It’s not that I haven’t felt like writing. I have. But I’ve been feeling more internal, I guess. So I’ve been keeping a private journal, writing stuff I would never want anyone to read (until I was dead anyway) much  less publish online. I’m just not that confessional. Also, I’ve been working on my novel, the one that grew out of my MFA thesis project, a novella about a young girl whose brother disappears after a semester at college. Not really a thriller or who-done-it, more of a psychological/circumstantial examination, if I may be so haughty about it.

The other thing is this month was my final divorce judgment. It was this week in fact, Tuesday. I am now officially divorced and single again at the age of 42. It’s a little sad and depressing, but also a bit of a relief to, to have it over with. The build up to it was rather emotional. It didn’t help any that we, Colleen and I, had to wait on our attorney. Our case was supposed to be at 8:30. We didn’t get up in front of the judge until  maybe 10 o’clock. I was pretty nervous. Never been in front of a judge before. My legs were shaking. But in the end I was surprised at how effortless it was, how quickly the past 7 years and almost a month weve dissolved. Well, not really dissolved, I guess, but you know what I mean.

Next thing I knew Colleen and I were heading out of the court house, as single people, saying goodbye in the parking lot, driving away in our separate directions. <sigh>

Still, I try to remind myself that it could have been worse. At least we weren’t being petty and trying to tear each other down. There was a couple up before us, who were there because the ex-wife was claiming that the ex-husband refused to work blah blah blah and thus provide for his kids. Man, did the judge lay into those two. Colleen and I quietly made an agreement to never drag each other into court, to always sit down and figure things out between the two of us. Hopefully we can keep that promise. I know I’d  rather never step inside a courtroom ever again. And I’m pretty sure that Colleen wouldn’t either, especially not against each other.

Anyhoo… I thought I’d post some random musings, just to fill  up some more cyberspace with my chatter.